first 24 hours

(I wrote this in the first 24 hours after finding out that I was pregnant but waited to post for obvious reasons)

At approximately 6:30pm on August 18^th, I gave in to my growing anxiety and took a home pregnancy test.

I wasn’t truly “late” and I should have waited until morning but, with the exception of only 2 months of my adult life, I’ve always been extremely “regular” so a day overdue had me on high order. That combined with 8 months of hope and waiting and a week of bizarre hot flashes, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I had to know.

I didn’t tell Will what I was up to. I didn’t want to get his hopes up.

I just did it.

The results were clear before I was even finished in the bathroom.

Holy crap.

Then I laughed and nearly cried.

Wow. Holy cow.

Will, in the other room, was by now convinced that I was crying or otherwise upset.

By the time I was finished, he was standing outside the door waiting for me to explain what in the world was going on.

So I handed him the test through the crack in the door.

Really?

Really.

Holy crap. We’re having a baby.

*hugs*

Oh my God.

*more hugs*

Wow. We finally did it.

I nearly cried again.

Then we resumed “regularly scheduled programming” i.e. watching “Melissa & Joey,” playing on the internet, watching Shopgirl, etc. All of this was interspersed with:

Wow.

Holy cow.

You’re not telling anyone, are you? (This was directed at me because I can have trouble keeping secrets sometimes and I was chatting on FB with a friend at the time.  That was you, Ravi, if you’re reading this)

Oh. My.

When can we tell people? November? No, October. Mid-October.

Wow.

When we switched back to regular TV, Will started reading the pertinent (now that we have a positive test) chapters in his Dad Labs book and randomly reading me pages.

I was reviewing the list of “forbidden” foods posted to the website of the OB practice that I’m planning to use. (I can’t wait to understand why deli meats are on that list while trying to figure out what to eat for lunch.) I got out my book too but found that I couldn’t really focus on it – still being in a state of shock and awe.

We determined the approximate due date – likely 28 April 2011 (no Coachella for us in ’11. We are a tiny bit sad.)

Finally, we went to bed.

But sleep wasn’t in the cards. Maybe that’s another reason to take the test in the morning so that you have all day to adjust to the news before you try to sleep.

We talked.

I finally gave into the tears.

Because, well, I’m scared.

There are a bazillion things that can happen and go wrong. We feel like we know so many people who don’t have happy healthy baby stories.

I’m going to be someone’s mother.

We have to figure out all the other parts of our life.

How do I apply for jobs in Denver if I’m pregnant?

How can we spend 2 weeks in Ireland with my parents without telling them or having them figure it out?

There’s no turning back now. Wow.

I got hot again. (Man, I hope that doesn’t last and is not a preview of my future with menopause.)

I had to pee again.

Somehow we eventually fell asleep.

And then woke up to the same thoughts. It’s kind of like a CD skipping.

Will’s already thinking of what music he wants to play to the baby in utero so that he/she will be smart. And looking forward to rubbing my burgeoning belly. And following me around.

Wait until he finds out that I’m going to run 3+ miles this evening.

19 August 2010