to know or not to know…

that is the question.

The sex of the baby that is.

1 September 2010

Besides the worries about miscarriages, are we going to be good parents, eating right, and all the rest; my biggest internal conflict is whether to find out what we’re having when the time comes at 20 weeks.

I think Will will just let me decide and go with whatever I want – he’s sweet like that – but I’m not sure what I want.

On one hand, I’ve always wanted that “It’s a ____” moment after giving birth.

But on the other, I really like to plan and I can’t plan if we don’t know what we’re having.

Hence – conflicted!

Apparently the new thing is to have a “sex party” – no, not like that. It’s a party wherein the sex of the baby is revealed to all – parents, friends, and family – all at the same time. It involves the technician writing boy/girl on a piece of paper, sealing it in an envelope which then gets given to a baker with instructions to either color the cake or the filing pink or blue so that when it gets cut in to, all is revealed.

Seems weird to me.

But also kind of a cute way to celebrate the news.

As of writing, I have 14 weeks to hash this out with myself and my wonderful hubby.

29 November 2010

So now we’re down to about 2 weeks – our sonogram is scheduled for 13 December – and we still haven’t decided.

I still like the idea of not finding out but then I don’t like the idea of being surprised with the first but then finding out in the future. I feel like it should be all or nothing – either we find out for all our kids or none of our kids.  And I’m not sure that I can handle the waiting more than once.

There was a Baby Center blog post a few months ago that caught my attention on this very topic: 8 Reasons to Find Out Your Baby’s Sex.  I identify most with 3 of her points…

I have admitted that I want a boy first.  I’m not shy about saying what I want – I want any girls that we do have to have an older brother.  Besides, then the family can relax because there will be at least the potential for another generation of Davenports (this comes from marrying the last male Davenport).  So maybe we should find out sooner rather than later because then I can get over myself if we are having a girl first which tends to be the trend in both of our immediate families.

We have so much going on that we can’t plan for that it would be nice to have something that we can plan for and, let me tell you, this lady likes to plan.  We still want to keep things fairly neutral – there won’t be any bright pink princess rooms or all blue with lots of trucks for us – because I don’t see the need to have to buy things new for future kid(s).  If it can be reused the second time around, it should be neutral.  Besides, my favorite color to decorate with – GREEN!

And thinking back on when I’ve bought shower presents for friends, it’s more fun when you know.  It may be shallow but it’s true.

Bottom line: we haven’t decided but lately I’m leaning towards knowing.

So here’s poll because I’m curious what people think:

disclaimer…

Ok, I’m not trying to make this into a baby blog per se ….

It’s just that I have a bunch of posts that I wrote sitting at my desk in the first couple of weeks that I knew I was pregnant in an attempt at calming all the thoughts that were catapulting around in my brain at very high velocity.

And because (a) they’re already written, (b) I can share them because most everyone knows, and (c) I don’t have to sort through pictures to post them, they’re easy to publish pretty quickly.

So no fear… I’m not going for “all baby, all the time.”  At least not intentionally!

secrets

20 August 2010

Ok. I have a problem with secrets. Particularly if they are happy ones.

I just want to tell everyone!

Happy secrets are the worst because I end up feeling like I’m just busting at the seams to tell people.

I just want to shout from the rooftops: We’re having a baby!!!

It’s only been 2 days and it’s already driving me crazy.

I talk to my mom on the phone and she says, “Anything new?” And I respond, “Nope, nothing new” while my brain shouts, “Yes, only the best news you’ll hear for the next 3 months!”

We ran into a girl I met in grad school in the grocery store and we’re chatting about life and she says “How’s things?” and I say, “Good” when I want to say, “Freaking fantastic because we’re having a baby!” We get to talking about leaving the area and schools and she says “All things you have to worry about when you have kids, if you have kids.” Yup, we’re definitely having kids. That journey has begun.

I e-mail my girlfriends… “oh nothing exciting going on here.” LIE.

Knowing that we’ve been trying to have a baby, one responds wondering if we’re going to put things on hold since I’m thinking of looking for a new job and I have to respond that we’re just forging ahead and taking what life gives us.

I want to ask people what the deal is with the deli meat according to my doctor because, seriously, I don’t know what I’m going to eat for lunch and it’s going to be a few weeks until I can ask the doctor myself.

We have all this cider that I can no longer drink so Will thought, “oh we can try to pawn some off on my sister.” Oh wait, that’ll look suspicious.

It’s like on the surface nothing in our lives has changed but really we’ve been totally rocked down to the foundation.

I hate secrets.

Keeping good news to yourself sucks.

15 November 2010

Well, in the end after the first week or so, it got pretty normal not to tell people.  The hardest was not telling my parents the whole time we were on vacation especially with my mom asking leading questions every couple of days (she swears she didn’t realize that she was doing it).  Because we really didn’t want too many people knowing before I was at least 12 weeks along and we had certain people that we wanted to tell in person, it just kind of became a bit of a logistical nightmare as we tried to figure out how to make schedules mesh and see those people before we told the whole world.

Most people know by now though we haven’t made the “official” announcement on Facebook but I actually still haven’t told most of the people that I work with and for the most part, it’s not really bothering me.

It’s like there are so many other things to think and worry about that I’m not really thinking too much anymore about telling everyone in sight.  I’ve also gotten paranoid that the more people we tell, the higher the chances will be that something will go wrong and then we’ll have to spread bad news.  But then I just remind myself that that is, in fact, paranoid and not likely to happen and go on with my day and continue to spread the happy news.

Besides it’s been fun to spread the news. 

Especially when we’ve been able to deliver it in person and see the reaction firsthand.  We got an adorable Charlie Brown-esque dance from Will’s sister.  My niece was a little confused for a bit – but that could have been more to do with my choice of words.  My folks were just like “well, we already knew it” which I expected.  I actually got slightly similar reactions from two of my best friends – ah, the people who know you best can always sniff it out, right?  One of my nephews is already campaigning to have the baby named after him if it’s a boy – um, I don’t think we’ll do that. 

And I discovered today that my extended family news chain is apparently broken as not a single one of my cousins even knew I was pregnant when I was soliciting baby name input (in the form of asking what everyone’s middle names were).

day 6 – wexford & vale of avoca

We started the day with a little caching for Will.  For some reason my mom is really intrigued with the whole concept of geocaching and was feeling like they were holding him back from finding caches while on our trip.  So after we left the lovely company of our Connecticut Yankee proprietress at Kilbora, we headed into Ferns to find a cache or two.  Ok, Will and my folks went to go find a cache or two… I may have wandered off to take pictures of the ruins that we’d stopped at.  What can I say?  I like a good ruin.

Ok… or a good Gothic style church either…

     
The ruins were of St Mary’s Abbey and I’m not actually sure what the name of the church was.

Then we were off to visit some distant Ronan relatives.  After having a chat, we all headed over to the church (this is what we do – visit churches and graveyards).  Again like in Rossmore, this is not the original church that my grandmother would have gone to Mass in but rather a more recent building.  It’s still a neat church with amazing views.

  

 
Not the most flattering picture of me but this is what it looks like when you deny a pregnant woman food.  Even if you don’t know that’s what you’re doing.

We thought the wind turbines were really cool.  Apparently the ridgelines should have been full of them but the funding just isn’t there to finish the project.

After getting lunch, we got back on the road.  We stopped for Will to get another cache in a ruined church.  It wasn’t the easiest place to get into so we stayed in the car but he came back for the camera and snapped a few pictures.

Next we headed for Avoca.  Home of Avoca Handweavers.

  

We actually got to the handweavers as they were closing up shop so we just got a quick walk through as I’m pretty sure they locked the doors behind us.  So we just went into the shop to do some shopping.

 
Cute little stream; the fuchsia that you find all over Ireland.  I was surprised to find it still in bloom so late in the year.

Filming location of Ballykissangel. 

And close to Vale of Avoca – our intended tourist stop for the day.  The Vale of Avoca is alternately known as the Meeting of the Waters as it is where the Avonmore and Avonbeg join together.  It is a spot celebrated in song by Irish poet, Thomas Moore.

There is not in the wide world a valley so sweet,
As the vale in whose bosom the bright waters meet;
Oh, the last rays of feeling and life must depart,
Ere the bloom of that valley shall fade from my heart.

  

Then we headed up to Wicklow for the night so that we’d be close to Dublin for the morning.

View Ireland - Day 6 in a larger map

Day 1: Arrival, Adare, Tralee
Day 2: Dingle Peninsula Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Day 3: Kilarney, Muckross House
Day 4: Rock of Cashel
Day 5: Tipperary and Waterford

first 24 hours

(I wrote this in the first 24 hours after finding out that I was pregnant but waited to post for obvious reasons)

At approximately 6:30pm on August 18^th, I gave in to my growing anxiety and took a home pregnancy test.

I wasn’t truly “late” and I should have waited until morning but, with the exception of only 2 months of my adult life, I’ve always been extremely “regular” so a day overdue had me on high order. That combined with 8 months of hope and waiting and a week of bizarre hot flashes, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I had to know.

I didn’t tell Will what I was up to. I didn’t want to get his hopes up.

I just did it.

The results were clear before I was even finished in the bathroom.

Holy crap.

Then I laughed and nearly cried.

Wow. Holy cow.

Will, in the other room, was by now convinced that I was crying or otherwise upset.

By the time I was finished, he was standing outside the door waiting for me to explain what in the world was going on.

So I handed him the test through the crack in the door.

Really?

Really.

Holy crap. We’re having a baby.

*hugs*

Oh my God.

*more hugs*

Wow. We finally did it.

I nearly cried again.

Then we resumed “regularly scheduled programming” i.e. watching “Melissa & Joey,” playing on the internet, watching Shopgirl, etc. All of this was interspersed with:

Wow.

Holy cow.

You’re not telling anyone, are you? (This was directed at me because I can have trouble keeping secrets sometimes and I was chatting on FB with a friend at the time.  That was you, Ravi, if you’re reading this)

Oh. My.

When can we tell people? November? No, October. Mid-October.

Wow.

When we switched back to regular TV, Will started reading the pertinent (now that we have a positive test) chapters in his Dad Labs book and randomly reading me pages.

I was reviewing the list of “forbidden” foods posted to the website of the OB practice that I’m planning to use. (I can’t wait to understand why deli meats are on that list while trying to figure out what to eat for lunch.) I got out my book too but found that I couldn’t really focus on it – still being in a state of shock and awe.

We determined the approximate due date – likely 28 April 2011 (no Coachella for us in ’11. We are a tiny bit sad.)

Finally, we went to bed.

But sleep wasn’t in the cards. Maybe that’s another reason to take the test in the morning so that you have all day to adjust to the news before you try to sleep.

We talked.

I finally gave into the tears.

Because, well, I’m scared.

There are a bazillion things that can happen and go wrong. We feel like we know so many people who don’t have happy healthy baby stories.

I’m going to be someone’s mother.

We have to figure out all the other parts of our life.

How do I apply for jobs in Denver if I’m pregnant?

How can we spend 2 weeks in Ireland with my parents without telling them or having them figure it out?

There’s no turning back now. Wow.

I got hot again. (Man, I hope that doesn’t last and is not a preview of my future with menopause.)

I had to pee again.

Somehow we eventually fell asleep.

And then woke up to the same thoughts. It’s kind of like a CD skipping.

Will’s already thinking of what music he wants to play to the baby in utero so that he/she will be smart. And looking forward to rubbing my burgeoning belly. And following me around.

Wait until he finds out that I’m going to run 3+ miles this evening.

19 August 2010

condo progress

In two weeks, we actually made a lot of progress.  Granted, we wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much done if my in-laws hadn’t been in town to help my SIL out with some home improvements at her rented house and we managed to twist their arms ;-) for some help of our own.  We really can’t thank them enough for everything they did.  Because of all our hard work and amazing helpers, we even managed to go on our mini-vacation to Niagara Falls and Toronto for the weekend (maybe I’ll get around to blogging about that one of these days).

So let’s see what we’ve accomplished:

• Remove cork boards (x2)
  • Remove items
  • put in basement
• Remove most pictures (personal)
  • Including fridge
• Paint touchup
  • walls
  • obvious furniture dings
  • trim
• Deep clean
• Wash windows
  • inside & out
  • sills
  • blinds
• Top of coffee table – strip and repaint and seal
• Empty cubbies (of junk)
• Top of dresser 
• Move to basement or elsewhere:
  • rolling shelves - K’s
  • rock band
  • guitar - Hampton
  • trombone - Hampton
  • Wii basket
  • Wii Fit board
  • Club chair and ottoman - K’s
  • Bar stools - K’s
• eBay
  • catalog
  • list
  • if sold, mail
  • if didn’t sell, take to Goodwill
• Goodwill (probably need to do this more than once)
  • gather
  • catalog for tax purposes
  • deliver
• Declutter
  • Closets
    • hall
    • bedroom
    • bathroom – I’m actually almost done with the bathroom closet.  I just have to deal with the stuff on the floor.
  • kitchen cabinets
  • other visible areas
    • under night tables
    • end table in living room
    • kitchen counters
• Hang mirror in bedroom – We probably could have done this without the extra hands but with them, the whole process took like 10 min and nothing got dropped.
• Reorg basement / make room for more stuff – This won’t be totally complete until we’re done with everything else but we’ve made serious progress.
• Chalk board – declutter, depersonalize
• Cull magazines that have been collecting
• Fix molding in kitchen next to freezer – Much thanks to my FIL for the help with this.  He even brought a circular saw up from Hampton to help us out.
• Straighten rug in living room – it was cock-eyed b/c couch got cock-eyed when Liz and I put it down and neither of us noticed.
• reattach dishwasher power box under sink – Another big shout out to my FIL on this one.
• Replace hallway lightbulb with a regular one

Bathroom

• Different DampRid
• "Fix" wallpaper around medicine cabinet
• Painting in the cracks/seams of wallpaper – I attempted it but it didn’t work out so well.  I’m not sure if I just need to get a different kind of brush, different black paint or if I should just abandon the idea altogether.
• Recaulk tub
• Door squeak
• Faucet handle squeak – As it turns out, there isn’t much we can do.

Of course, we are now living in a disaster.  We’d even been living in a coffee table-less disaster for the better part of a week which turned out to be really annoying so thankfully we finished that project and returned it to its rightful place.  I have pictures that I’ll try and post of our progress here soon.

so few words…

It’s amazing how a few simple words can change the entire course of your life.

You’ve been accepted.

Whether it’s a private grade school, a private or magnet high school, a college or university, a special summer program, or any number of other possibilities; acceptance is a great thing that shapes the future, sets you on one of several paths. Its opposite: “You have not been accepted” has similar effects.

Yes.

Yes, I will accept the job.

Yes, I’ll take the apartment.

Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.

And the ultimate “yes”: Yes, I will marry you.

I do.

The ultimate promise joining forever your future with that of another and giving freely of one’s self to that person.

Pregnant.

A solitary word on a digital home pregnancy test and life as you know it is changed forever.

Such power in such small simple words.

Written 19 August 2010.

day 5 – tipp and waterford

We started the day with a trek into the “country” to visit the Carew relatives in Rossmore.  The family has run the post office and the small general store there for many years.  We also wanted to take the opportunity to go to Mass there even though the current church is the 3rd one on the grounds.

The two stones set in the building proclaiming its uses.

 
graveyard where many of the Carews are buried.  It was “fun” for Will given his interest in ancestry (both his family and mine).

  
Just about everyone except Mom who was taking the picture.  They make us feel like giants.

They also run a dairy farm – this is one of their barns.

After hanging out with the family for a while, we headed off to Waterford.  As you might expect, our main goal was the Waterford Crystal factory.  We had a bit of a time finding some place to park the car – turned out that there was a food and wine festival in town that was blocking off many of the streets and making parking very difficult. 

It’s a new factory in the middle of the city so we were afraid that things would be different.  They were but thankfully only in the showroom and not on the actual tour – it happens to be my favorite factory tour ever.  I just love how they’re just right there making beautiful crystal and you’re free to take all the pictures you want.

The tour starts with the wooden molds that they use to shape special pieces (later we would learn that for standard pieces, they have permanent cast iron molds in place of the wooden ones).

We thought Les might enjoy having this band saw.

Next up, my favorite part.  The glass blowing.
 
The hot glass kiln.  This guy was hilarious because he was singing the whole time he was working.

  
Here he’s using one of the cast iron moulds because this is a standard piece of crystal.

 

The next step is both cool and a bit scary as they have to separate the bowl from the blowing rod.  They use cold water to score the crystal and then have to lightly tap it to break the piece off.

 
Success!  Now he’s got to get his “ove-gloves” on and race off to finish the cooling process.

Next – polishing off those edges where the piece separated.  We finally decided that these pieces were going to be hanging light fixtures so they had to make their first transformation to, essentially, big bowls.

 

Next up – marking and cutting.  Time to make it really start looking like the Waterford Crystal we all know and love.  By the way, this is my next my favorite part of the tour mostly because they let you get so close and some times the cutters will talk to you or specifically show you something.
  
The picture on the right is the design for a special order piece – and award or prize I think but for what, I can’t remember.

these two guys (and most of the others at work that day) were cutting what were most likely Lismore footed bowls.  Very traditional cuts.

  
This guy was working on the neck of a decanter.  Probably something like this.

  
We think these were the almost finished products of the pieces they had been blowing and polishing the edges of earlier in the tour.  The big flat “bowls” with a smallish hole in the center was how we came to conclude that they were likely to become light fixtures.  Something like this.

Gratuitous shots of the tools lying around.

The next step in the process is an acid bath, if I remember correctly.  It’s the step that takes a very small layer of the crystal off each piece thus removing the dull sheen left behind by the cutting process and producing the beautiful sparkle of the crystal.  Because it’s an acid bath and somewhat dangerous, they do the final steps off premises.

The showroom is no longer anywhere near as impressive as the old visitors center which had a gorgeous Dale Chihuly chandelier over their main information and check out desk.  But all in all it’s still a fantastic place to visit.
 

Afterward we made our way to Wexford finding a fantastic B&B called Kilbora run by a fabulously hilarious woman from Connecticut (she married an Irishman, had 3 kids in Boston, and then they moved back to run the family farm).  Sadly, tourism is down so much that she was saying that she may have to close up and focus on other projects.

View Ireland - Day 5 in a larger map

Day 1: Arrival, Adare, Tralee
Day 2: Dingle Peninsula Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Day 3: Kilarney, Muckross House
Day 4: Rock of Cashel